They Only Win When They Cheat: A Houston Astr*s Story (2023)

First, there were the Houston Colt 45s. And they sucked.

As Major League Baseball expanded in 1962, they placed franchises in New York and Houston, and the mistake they made soon became apparent. Not only did the teams play poorly on the field, but the past sixty years have shown that the sport of baseball and the world itself would probably be better off if the MLB had decided to maintain the status quo.

Three years after its creation, the Colt 45 received a new name. And now, fifty-seven years later, theHouston Astrostakes care ofPhiladelphiamilitaryworld series. If they are successful in that effort, it will be the first championship the franchise has won without the benefit of apparent cheating.

I imagine some Astros fans went to The Good Phight to get a Phillies perspective on the World Series. Based on the title of the article and the three paragraphs above, you've probably figured out that this isn't going to be a gratuitous retelling of Astros history. If that bothers you, I suggest you stick to Astros friendly sites.

You probably didn't like what I wrote about your favorite team, and you'll probably be upset if I mention the trash cans, the bell, and how the Astros cheated their way to a championship. I'm sure you're finding these references more than tired at this point, but all I can say is: your team cheated to win and you're lucky you didn't lose the title. The stars fly forever.

However, I will refrain from writing "Houston we have a problem" or any variation of that well used quote. You are welcome.

With that in mind, I bring you the story of the Houston Astros!

O Colt .45s

When the Houston property received an expansion team, the owners held a competition to come up with a name for the team. To no one's surprise, the people of Texas decided to name the team after a gun.

o 1962Metsthey are famous forbe terrible, which served to obfuscate that .45s were inherently pretty bad. They lost 96 games in each of their first three seasons.

New name, new stadium, same defeat

After the opening of NASA's Johnson Space Center in Houston in 1963, the city was dubbed "Space City". To match this space theme, the town's baseball team got a new name and a new stadium.

The new Astros Stadium, cleverly nicknamed the Astrodome, has been dubbed "the eighth wonder of the world", which is silly because it's a sports arena, and not even a big one. It was basically the same as every other multipurpose stadium built at the time, but people loved this one just because it had a roof.

Let's be honest: mankind has been rethinking things long before the Astrodome, and no one has made such a fuss about it. And somehow, despite the presence of a roof, the Astros still found a way to have one.The game was canceled due to rain..

Having a famous stadium did not mean much success on the field. In his 35 seasons at the park, the Astros made the playoffs just six times and never qualified for the World Series.

You can tell a lot about a franchise's success by looking at the list of players who have had their numbers removed. The list of Astrodome-era Astros is not impressive. Among them are two players honored only because they died tragically (Jim Umbricht, Don Wilson) and a group of people who are good players but their careers with the Astros weren't worth having their numbers dragged into traffic.

I don't necessarily agree with the Phillies' "Hall of Fame only" policy for retiring numbers, but if the Astros were to follow that pattern, they would be primarily retiring the number of players who were most famous for it, on other teams to be. Bet you didn't even realize that most of these guys have played for the Astros:

To its credit, the Astrodome was home to one of them.best playoff series of all time, abig football game monday night, Afamous minor league game, Yone of the best WrestleManias ever. Well, that's what it's about.

Welcome toEnron-FeldParque Minute Maid

Even if your stadium was once considered a "wonder of the world", at some point a sports team will want a new stadium to earn more money. The Astros began hinting in the 1990s that the Astrodome was no longer suitable for them as a stadium and that they wanted someone to build them a new stadium. This finally came to fruition in 2000 and, as teams often do, they sold the stadium's naming rights to a company. The offer came fromsoon fell from graceEnron energy company.

The Astros quickly realized that being associated with a bankrupt company plagued by scandals was probably not the best option, so they cut ties with Enron and looked for a new sponsor. They eventually settled with the Minute Maid and the Astros became the second major league team to play in a stadium bearing the Orange Juice name.

The Astros began to thrive on the field thanks to true Hall of Famers like Jeff Bagwell and Craig Biggio. The "Killer Bs" led the team to the 2005 World Series, where they were promptly knocked off the field in four games.Chicago White Sox.

The White Sox! That franchise hadn't won a title since the Woodrow Wilson administration, and the Astros not only lost to them, but lost in four straight games, allowing them to celebrate on Astros home field.

Well, I guess it's good that someone celebrated a World Series championship in Houston!

Thought

As all players eventually do, the Astros stars aged and the Astros had a massive struggle.thoughtremodeling process. They traded most of their good players, usually to the Phillies, and suffered three straight 100-loss seasons. In theory, losing the field gave them better draft positioning, allowing them to accumulate good young players. Some will argue that the Astros could have built their farm system without going bankrupt openly, and the massive cuts in player payrolls have mostly taken place in the United States.Strive to save property money.

The Astros' eventual success basically gave every other franchise in baseball an excuse to go bankrupt when they didn't see themselves as legitimate competitors. This is a big reason why there are very few . 500 teams left in baseball. When a team feels like it doesn't have a real chance of making the World Series, it often makes the team worse off by thinking that a 100-loss team is better than one with 81 losses.

The front office guys like the strategy because they can get a lot of draft picks and they don't feel the pressure to win so soon. Homeowners love it because it saves money. The only losers are the fans, who can't stand the fact that their team has been in absolute disrepair for a few years now. (I have found that fans are more accepting when fuel arrivesa funny saying.)

The Astros' foreign product was so bad that the National League was happy to get rid of them when the MLB decided to balance their leagues ahead of the 2013 season.

Die Cheating-Champions

The Astros' fortunes improved as they faced less competition in the American League. They made it back to the playoffs in 2015 but fell behind.Kansas-City-Royalson ADL. After missing the playoffs the following year, they won their first World Series title in 2017.

Thanks to their "daring" rebuilding strategy, the Astros became baseball's favorites. This admiration did not last long when, a few years after his championship, it was discovered that his success was at least partial.for fraud.

Somehow the Astros title wasn't voided and none of the players involved were penalized. But at least the owner said he's sorry, even if the cheating didn't really affect the game... unless it did?

In 2020 there were rumors that the Astros were still cheatingUsing buzzers to signal your hitters. These allegations were never substantiated and were largely denied by Astros players. But what would you expect them to say?

Astros fans point to the fact that the team just played their sixth straight ALCS as proof that they didn't have to cheat to win. Everyone will answer that the Astros have failed every season since they were caught in the act, so maybe they have?

in summary

The Phillies were the least favored franchise in baseball, but the only damage they did was the spiritual well-being of their fans. Compare that to the list of atrocities the Astros franchise has inflicted on the world:

• encourage the use of weapons
• A trend of ugly, unattractive, multipurpose stadiums begins.
• Sell ​​your stadium rights to one of the most notorious corporations in American history.
• Make resupply an acceptable strategy
• cheat to win

I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that Major League Baseball and America itself would be better off if the Houston Astros had never existed. For the good of our nation, the Phillies need to ensure the Astros get closer to another World Championship.