Am I a bad person? Questions to ask yourself (2023)

Share on Pinterest

Like most people, you've probably done some things you thought were good, some things you thought were bad, and a lot in between.

maybe youincorrectYour partner, stole money from a friend, or hit your child in a fit of rage. After that you were dissatisfied with yourself and decided never to do it again.

You may still be wondering what this behavior says about you as a person, causing stress and uncomfortable feelings.

Remember to ask yourselfI am a bad person?This is not unusual, just looking at this question shows that you have a certain level of self-confidence and empathy.

If you're trying to avoid damage, that's a good sign. When you can see that you have room for improvement, who doesn't? – makes a promising first step towards positive change.

First, what does it mean to be "bad"?

This is a complex question with no simple answer. Most people would agree that being "nice" is related to moral behavior and aimportant partThat's fair to others.

But both "fair" and "bad" can be subjective and difficult to define.

Dr. Maury Joseph, one in Washington, D.C. resident psychologist, stresses the importance of considering the context of misconduct.

"If a person chooses the only option available to them based on their developmental history, the prejudices of the country they were born in, and their current environment, does that make them bad?"

When it comes to defining "bad," so does culture and history.to play a role. What is "bad" for one person may not be for another. It can be acceptable or even good depending on the influences around you. Even the concept of "good" and "evil" as opposites is culturally dependent and can change over time.

For many of us, a lack of empathy and rejection of the other are signs of unacceptable behavior, but even this may not be due to personal choices but to circumstances beyond the individual's control.

Put simply, everyone has a backstory that provides important context for their behavior. What might be considered bad behavior for one person may seem more reasonable for someone from a different background.

The Dark Factor of Personality.

in oneResearch work 2018miwebsite, three psychologists suspect that what they call the "D," or dark factor of personality, is at the root of unethical or cruel behavior.

Factor D features includenarcissismmiPsychopathy, With:

• sadism
• Resentment
• own interest
• GUT
• moral detachment
• selfishness

All of these qualities indicate that someone will pursue their own interests at the expense of others.

You may have noticed some traces of factor D in your behavior. Regardless, the following questions can help you review your behavior and identify areas that need some work.

Do you think about the consequences of your actions?

Many of the decisions you make affect people other than yourself. Before you do anything, especially if you have doubts about whether it's the right thing to do, it's wise to stop and consider whether your action could harm someone else.

Passing on a workplace rumor to your boss might make you look good, but it certainly won't help your co-worker, especially if the rumor isn't true.

If you don't care much about the potential impact as long as you benefit from it, or if you have trouble considering the implications for others, it might be worth investigating.

Do you consider how others are feeling?

In your daily life, do you make time to consider the emotions of those around you? Showing an interest in the well-being of others is an important part of maintenanceRelationships.

You may feel guilty that you don't have much time or energy to help. But it doesn't take much to show that you care. It is often sufficient to offer emotional support or ahearing ear.

Talking to a therapist can be helpful if you feel indifferent or believe others deserve the pain they are feeling.

Causes: Why do we do "bad" things?

You can do things that others think are bad out of necessity. For example,many people lie, cheat or steal from time to time. They may feel bad about it, but they also feel like it's the only option available. The motives don't always justify theft or other crimes, but putting them in context can help.

Maybe you stole it because you couldn't buy something you needed. Or you lied to protect the feelings of a loved one or to keep him out of trouble. Of course, these are probably not the best moves. But if you have an underlying motive to protect someone you care about, act to cause as little harm as possible.

Here are some other reasons a person might do something that many people find unacceptable:

• You have a mental health problem that affects your judgment.
• They have an addiction that affects their priorities.
• Previous experiences such as B. Child abuse, affect your ability to behave differently.
• Their upbringing or culture did not teach them that certain behaviors are inappropriate in certain contexts.
• Pressure, such as time pressure at work or peer pressure, leads to mistakes.

Morality is relative and depends heavily on the context in which a person grows up and lives. people oftenFeel"justified anger" when their code of ethics is violated, for example in relation to individual rights. A person whose social and moral code prioritizes the good of the community over the individual might think differently.

On the other hand, if you do unethical or rude things to hurt others, or for no reason, it may be worth asking for help.

Do you make time for gratitude and compassion?

When others help you or show you kindness, you say thank you and show your appreciation.recognition, possibly do something nice for them in return?

Or do you accept these gestures as something you deserve, something you are entitled to?

How do you feel when others ask you for help? Are you trying to help them get what they need, or are you ignoring their requests without reaching out for assistance?

If you're not getting anything back and it doesn't bother you at all, a therapist can help you better understand why.

How do you react when you realize you've hurt someone?

According to Joseph, the people closest to us can sometimes make us uncomfortable. "We attack them, we're angry, we push them away, we say hurtful things."

Maybe you tend to say mean things in arguments or put your friends down when you're feeling down.

Most people would certainly find this behavior bad. But how to deal with the consequences? Does he apologize, try to make amends, or break away?communicatebetter in the future?

You may feel terrible, but regret and remorse can help pave the way for improvement.

Maybe you don't care who you hurt. Or maybe you think your partner deserves harsh words or other abuse for treating you badly. These are signs that you should take a closer look at his behavior.

Do you think about other people or do you focus on yourself?

Gebpersonal hygieneIt's about making sure you can meet your own needs. There's nothing wrong with being a little self-centered from time to time. You should not feel bad or guilty that you cannot help other people by meeting your own needs.

If you think only of yourself when your life is affecting other people, such as a partner or children, these other people may experience pain or suffering as a result.

Children cannot meet many of their own needs, so parents often have to find ways to meet their emotional and physical needs. This can be difficult when dealing with illness or mental health issues, but a therapist can provide guidance and support.

Professional support can also help if you feel like you don't really care about others.

What's next?

You've done some introspection and asked yourself some tough questions. You may find that there are some aspects of yourself that you could improve.

Everyone is capable of change. If you've tried to change and failed, you may feel like there's no point in trying again. It may seem easier to stay the way it is.

just chooseNODoing bad things can push you in the right direction. obliged to tellless lies, for example, is a significant step.

Here are some more tips to help you keep going.

consider the consequences

Instead of acting impulsively when you want something, ask yourself if your behavior could have a negative impact on another person. If you take a moment to think about it, you can remind yourself that your actions don't just affect you.

It's not always possible to avoid getting everyone hurt. By proceeding with caution and compassion, you can avoid unnecessary pain. Thinking it through can also help you come up with a solution that's best for everyone involved.

practice self-acceptance

can helpremember whenthat we all make mistakes. You may have hurt people, but you're not the only one who has. The most important thing is to learn from the past and grow from it so as not to hurt people in the future.

Even if you have done some things that were not good, you are still worthy of love and forgiveness. You may find it difficult to accept this from others until you cangranted.

Identify your values ​​and live by them

Clearly defined values ​​can help you lead a more fulfilling life.

Ask yourself what is most important to you. Honesty, trust, kindness, communication, integrity and responsibility are some possible examples.

Then identify changes you can make to live those values, such as:

• always tell the truth
• honor your commitments
• Tell people if something bothers you

talk to a therapist

If you spend a lot of time wondering what kind of person you are, therapy can be of great help. There may also be an underlying issue, such asDepression,emphasize, or other mental health problems that affect your mood and your interactions with others.

Therapy is also a safe place to learn more about what drives your behavior and receive guidance on more productive ways to meet your needs. A compassionate and ethical therapist will offer unbiased support.

“People with complex interpersonal issues can put up a facade that prevents people from glancing at them for more than a cursory glance. They seem mean, with no guilt, no regrets. But that might not be all,” says Joseph.

Therapy can help people change their behavior, he explains, allowing them "to gain a deeper understanding of the emotions of others, to see them not as a commodity but as something more complex."

the bottom line

Your ability to think about your actions and ponder their repercussions suggests that you are probably a better person than you think you are. Even if you have done bad things or have some D traits, you are still capable of change.

The choices you make in life define who you are, and you always have choices.Do it better.

Crystal Raypole previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her areas of interest include Asian languages ​​and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, science, sex positivity and mental health. In particular, she works to reduce the stigma attached to mental health issues.