I am a sensitive man.
I like to writepoems, meditate and take long walks alone in the woods. I like a good drama more than an action shooter and I prefer a good book to a football game. I make my living writing articles about love and relationships...you get the idea.
I'm one of those guys who "feels all the feelings".and i'm not alone.
According to research, up to 1 in 5 people can be classified as highly sensitive. And notice that the word I used there was “people”, as in people of both sexes. This means that about 20% of men are highly sensitive.
While clearly not the majority, it is about the same percentage of men who are left-handed.
Now imagine, if you will, that every time a lefty does something with his left hand, he is teased, humiliated, feels different and embarrassed. "Enough! Men don't do that. Men are right-handed."
Sounds ridiculous, right? But this is exactly how sensitive men are usually treated.
As a result of this type of treatment, many of us learn to suppress our sensitivity and try to play the calm, stoic masculine role that the world pressures us to be. We quickly found out that it's not always safe to open up to your coworkers or friends, so we'll keep that to ourselves.
until we fall in love
Within the limits of aromantic relationship, a man can finally let his guard down and express his thoughts and feelings. Often our partner and lover sees a side of us that no one else in the world sees. That's a beautiful thing...
And it can be really challenging too.
I know there are women who just don't want to date a sensitive man. Nothing wrong with that. To each his own.
But this article is for women who have found a sensitive guy and fell in love with him. For women who are committed to a sensitive man and really want to know, "How can I keep this relationship strong?" How can I love you more?
If this is you, then keep reading.
8 tips for dating a sensitive man
Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that sensitive guys tend to overthink things. Our minds always race over little details that most people miss, like subtle changes in body language or tone of voice, and we wonder, "What does this mean?"
By the way, this is not an option. Researchers believe that high sensitivity is ainnate biological characteristic. Our nervous system is programmed to constantly perceive and process more information and sensory stimuli.
We are just born that way. (A bit like lefties…)
Another important thing to remember is that as his partner, you are his outlet, his understanding ear, the one, maybe the only one, with whom he can really open up and be himself and share from his heart.
Of course, this can be a huge responsibility... but it can also be the deepest and most fulfilling soul connection you've ever known.
Here are some practical tips and ideas to help you make the most of love and life with your sensitive man:
1. Avoid your "triggers"
In thatfabulous blog postexplains Dr. Elaine Aron about how people learn to regulate their emotions (or learn not to) as children. When we are adults, these strategies are internalized and largely unconscious.
And since no one had the perfect childhood, we all have our share of hurts and "vulnerabilities," things that can trigger a strong emotional response within us. Generally negative.
Sensitive men are particularly prone to this and can easily overcome intense feelings of shame or inadequacy when these vulnerabilities are triggered. Show him that you love and understand him by learning what situations, words, or actions are triggers for him, and then avoid them as much as possible.
2. Give him space when he needs it.
I know "giving him space" has become a relationship cliché, and it's a shame. It is repeated so many times because it is so important!
Relationships are dynamic, they come and go. Sometimes we just need to be close, sometimes we need space to breathe and work on our own. Being able to spot and feel where your partner falls on this spectrum is one of the most valuable relationship skills out there.
A sensitive man needs space and solitude even more than most people to process his thoughts and feelings. No matter how much you want to be there for him, no matter how noble your intentions, sometimes you just need to step back and leave him alone.
3. Develop a sign
Think of a word, phrase, or other signal you can give when you feel overwhelmed and need to back off a bit. It could be as simple as saying "time out" or covering your eyes or ears.
Just agree on something in advance, something that makes sense to both of you, something neutral.
Sound silly? Do not laugh. That "relationship trick" that can make all the difference. This allows him to say how he feels at the moment when it is most difficult for him. When his circuitry is messed up and he can't think straight, it can be difficult (and impossible) for him to explain what he's going through...
At that point, a quick and simple code or signal can save lives.
4. Don't rush
This should be common sense because no one likes to be rushed. But in a world where everyone is always stressed and rushed, sometimes you need to say it out loud.
Sensitive guys aren't known for being decisive. Before making a decision: what movie to see, what restaurant to go to, etc. - Let's think about it. And over and over again. Let us consider as many possibilities and possible consequences as the human mind is capable of.
This can be annoying, I know. But don't rush.
Keep in mind that it processes more information more completely than most. Even when making small and seemingly insignificant decisions, his brain works like a NASA supercomputer. You don't need the extra stress and pressure added to the mix.
Be patient with him and you will be pleasantly surprised by his exceptional friendliness and attention to detail.
5. Express your love and care
you'd be surprised to knowMen are incredibly insecure.? The male ego is a fragile thing. Guys care about everything from the type of car we drive to the size of our penis. Men need to be loved and admired, praised and validated just as much as women.
And, you guessed it, sensitive men even more so.
So tell him how much you love and appreciate him and tell him often. Most importantly, show it off. Show your affection through touch and intimacy, cute little notes, thoughtful gestures, and the like.
One good thing about sensitive men: we can be very affectionate. We're not at all uncomfortable holding hands, kissing in public, or saying those "three little words." You can come. We will eat it and return it to you in kind.
6. Listen with your heart
Everyone knows that communication is important for a successful relationship, right? But many people seem to forget that half of communication is listening to what the other person is saying.
I'm talking about really listening. Assuming you already know what it means. Don't plan your response, wait your turn. But really listen and be there for your partner. This is subtle and understated art.
Remember, a sensitive man thinks a lot about... well, almost everything. When he opens up and talks to you, chances are every word has been carefully chosen to convey exactly what he wants to say.
I think this deserves a little time and attention, don't you?
7. Clearly communicate your needs
The other half of communication, of course, is telling him how you feel and want him, and telling him clearly and directly.
Just because it's sentient doesn't mean it's psychic. He is not one of your girlfriends. He doesn't know the secret feminine language of sighs and facial expressions that women have perfected over the centuries.
(Just kidding. Sort of. Is there really a code? Is it written down somewhere? Because I'd like to get my hands on it...)
The point is that you have to take responsibility.communicateYour needs in a way that he understands. Better with words. Simple, direct sentences beginning with the words "I need..." often encourage and alert us.
Try it and you will see.
8. Encourage your personal growth
Sensitive men are often open and desirous of some kind of personal growth or spiritual discipline.
Being so in touch with our raw emotions, being bombarded with sensory stimulation from all directions and being powerless, keeping our mental mechanism from overthinking and constantly analyzing every detail… we need something to help us deal with it, to help us to find peace. and balance
It can be anything: yoga, meditation, journaling, dance, painting or artistic expression, therapy or life coaching, etc. Talk to him about it, encourage him and support him. Do an exercise yourself (it's good for you).
When your boyfriend isn't actively trying to improve himself, express his creativity, and explore and develop his inner potential, do what you can to encourage him to do so. It will make a big difference to him and his relationship.
Sensible NO means "selfish"
Also, remember that every relationship is a two-way street. There has to be a give and take on both sides. Being sensitive is not a ticket to get out of jail. Loving a sensitive man doesn't mean walking on eggshells all the time, doing everything possible to satisfy his needs and whims.
If your guy is so self-absorbed that he doesn't reciprocate your efforts, then sensitivity isn't the problem, it's selfishness and immaturity.
There is a difference.
A mature and sensitive man will be very in tune with what you feel, what you need and want. And he will do anything to make you happy and comfortable. And if you can meet him halfway and do the same for him, it could lead to a truly magical partnership...
The kind that make other couples green with envy.
When it just doesn't work
There are times when no matter how much you love and care for someone,it just doesn't work. Sometimes two people just don't mesh. Sometimes the timing is all wrong.
And sometimes it seems like a lot of work to be with a sensitive guy. Hey, I see who needs trouble, right? Life is hard enough already.
Therefore, there are many women who really want to be wowed and smitten by an assertive and dominant "alpha male", and being in a relationship with a sensitive, thoughtful and sluggish man leaves them feeling unfulfilled.
(And many women bounce between the two, unable to decide... but that's another article entirely.)
If that is the case, it is best to simply acknowledge that your wants and needs are not being met in the relationship and try topart with dignity. Don't try to change your partner or make them "tougher." Don't ask him to be someone he isn't.
That path only leads to disappointment and resentment.
Be honest with yourself and him, you deserve to have the relationship you really want and he deserves to be loved for who he is. If you can't be that for each other, then it's time to move on.
After all, the art of loving a sensitive man is the art of making love, period. The skills described above go a long way in maintaining and strengthening any relationship and keeping love alive.
After all, we are not that different. Men and women, sensitive or not... we are all human, with all the beautiful and confusing emotional chaos that comes with it. We are all trying to do the best we can.
But being with a sensitive man is a wonderful opportunity to take the art of loving to a whole new level: to explore how deep love can go, how much two people can share, care for and enrich each other.
It may not be easy, no relationship is. But I guarantee you it's worth it.